


Behind green eyes

by CododylWorld



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Artist Theo Raeken, College, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 17:06:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16727451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CododylWorld/pseuds/CododylWorld
Summary: A few years after the conflict with Monroe, Theo is in the pack and attending college with Scott. With the war behind them and their relationship repaired,  Theo struggles to deal with his emotions and  accept his feelings for Scott while the alpha helps him realize that what he's doing in college may not be what's best for him.





	Behind green eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DemonzDust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonzDust/gifts).



> Okay, so I want to thank none other than DemonzDust for helping me come up with ideas for this, for editing, for cheering me on during the process of this. For literally coming up with the name of the fic and for the summary. And for literally cheering me on through the whole process. You have been wonderful and this one is for you Z!

This is it. This is what he deserves. This is what he gets for all the pain he's caused. He wants to quit, wants to stop this madness, but he can't because this is his punishment, this is hell in real life. And he has to deal with it, he can't just walk away from it. He deserves it. 

“Stop it.” he hears someone say from the doorway. 

He doesn't want to look, not at him. Because if he does then he'll feel better. He'll feel protected and he shouldn't feel that way. He should feel disgusted to even think that. 

“Theo, come on.” he hears again. 

“I want to be alone, just for a minute Scott,” he says without looking at those brown eyes that he's fallen so hard for. 

Instead, he gets up from where he's sitting in the floor, and closes the laptop in front of him. Not wanting to look at the ‘subject’ any longer. 

He walks towards his room, leaving Scott behind in the small studio. He wants to go away to his little corner. He wants to ruin a perfectly fine canvas and then just sleep till tomorrow. 

But when he’s about to open the door, he can feel a hand on his shoulder, grounding him to earth. He feels Scott tug him backward but he doesn't let go of the handle. He stands his ground because he can't give in. Not to him. Not this time. Not ever. 

“Theo, come on, just look at me.” he hears Scott say, voice barely above a whisper. It's laced with care, kindness and… something else, something that shouldn't be there. 

“If you hate it so much, why keep doing it?” He asks, and as always he has a point. 

He despises it… but he can't quit. Not when he's so close to finishing. If he quits now, it would be like he's quitting on himself, quitting on the small progress that he's managed to achieve. Plus it's the only thing he's actually good at. No, he's the best at it. Top of his class. 

It would be such a disappointment to not complete it all. 

“Talk to me, Theo. Please…” 

He has nothing to say. He won't give in to Scott, not again, not ever. Well, it's not like he's actually talked to Scott about what he feels. That's on the list of things that he should never do.

“Just let it go, Scott.” he finally says, a bit annoyed. Mostly at himself for letting the taller man get this close to him, both physically and emotionally. 

He can feel Scott hesitating behind him, the hand around his shoulder loosening its death grip. Theo tries to take a step forward, tries to open the door, but he’s suddenly yanked back. He complies because he knows there's nothing he can do when Scott sets his goal on something. So he just lets the brown-haired boy drag him across the small studio and out into the hallway. 

“Come with me.” Scott simply says, using that little bit of the Alpha voice that Scott knows gets to him.

Theo can't help but follow him and comply. He hates himself for it, but he still follows. He still gets in the car because if there's one thing he knows, it’s that he trusts Scott.

“Where are we going?” He finally asks once he's buckled up. 

He doesn't know where they're headed but if Scott were smart, it’d be to finally dump him in a ditch somewhere. It's the least he deserves from him. But knowing the Alpha, he wouldn't do that. He’s just that type of guy. Scott is the good guy and Theo, well he is the complete opposite. 

“Just trust me, okay?” Scott says, and Theo just nods. 

Because he does trust Scott. He doesn't know when he started to trust him, but he would place his life in Scott’s hand. Which didn't really mean anything, Theo didn't value his own life that much. 

He didn't value life at all… 

Or did he? He wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t sure about a lot of stuff lately, except for one thing. One person to be precise. 

He's sure he loves Scott. 

He's not sure when he realized it or when he accepted it, but he's known for a while now. And he's kept it to himself. He's kept that secret to himself because he's sure that if anyone were to find out, they would laugh at him and call him crazy. And he doesn't need confirmation of what he already knows. So he stays quiet. 

He’s stayed quiet for so long now. He's spent days and nights trying to figure out how he got himself in this mess in the first place, how he got himself so far up in this cloud that now he can't even see the ground. But it all goes back to one thing: Scott's kindness, Scott's compassion, Scott's understanding. Eventually, he just got pulled to it. He doesn't know how or why he didn't stop himself but he just didn’t. He went with it. 

He doesn't know for how long they drive or where they're going, but so far the trip has helped him calm down a bit. Not the trip. But Scott's presence. Just being next to him makes him feel better. And it hurts. It hurts because he shouldn't feel better around Scott–

“We're here.” He hears Scott say, interrupting him from what would have surely been another panic attack. He doesn't know where ‘here’ is supposed to be. They're just in the middle of nowhere. Fuck is Scott gonna ditch him here? No, Scott isn't Stiles. He wouldn't do that.

“Hey, just breathe.” he hears Scott say, but this time he's closer to him. He looks at his hands and focuses on his hearing on Scott's breathing and mimics the way the alpha breathes. 

Inhale. Exhale.

“Come on, I want to you show something.” Scott finally says when he feels Theo's breathing even out. Theo looks to the ground, embarrassed at his mini-episode. Embarrassed because he doesn't trust himself enough to fully give himself to someone else. 

They start walking up a hill, with each step Scott gets closer to him. He's still looking at the ground when Scott bumps his shoulder with his own.

“What happened back there? In the studio, I mean.” He closes his eyes, tries to ignore Scott's voice. He doesn’t want to tell Scott why he was having a panic attack. Why he hated studying science or medicine. But he owed Scott an explanation.

“You don't have to say anything, we can talk when you're ready.” He hears Scott say after a few seconds of silence. And fucking hell, why can't Scott keep pushing him? He's ready to talk about it, he just needs a little push. But he knows Scott won't give him that. He knows Scott will respect his space and wait. But it's now or never. 

“I want to talk about it.” he begins. He can feel Scott snap his head to his side. He can feel brown eyes staring directly at him. And for the first time in the day, he gives in. He turns around, looking at Scott's beautiful eyes. And for a second he forgets what he was going to say. He forgets where they are. For a moment it’s just him and Scott and nothing else. 

“Are you sure?” Scott asks, bringing him back from his daydream. He nods his head. 

It was just one panic attack. He can talk about that. 

They keep walking up the hill. They'll have a few minutes to talk before reaching the top.

“School, I don’t like it. It… makes me feel-” he stops himself before continuing. Not sure if Scott would want to hear about how much he hates college and science and medicine. Scott would be disappointed. Scott will probably realize that he's not getting better. That he's just the same as he was when he first came to Beacon Hills. 

“It makes you feel bad about yourself? Like, you don't belong?” Scott asks him. But it's really a statement instead of a question. And Scott is right. Partially he is. But that's not all. Theo feels like he's not getting any better. Like he hasn't gotten better. Because he knows that deep down he hasn't.

“You told me that college would help me. And it did, for a while. But now it just feels suffocating.” He says while taking a deep breath. They're getting closer to the top of the hill. He can hear the rustling of the leaves, the birds chirping around him. The distant sound of a river flowing down the stream. And somehow, it calms him. All of those soothing noises along with Scott's presence is enough to make him feel somehow…at peace? No, that's not it.

“You could always do something else. Something that you really like.” He hears Scott say. 

Of course, he would say that. Scott doesn't know that if he quits on science then it'll be like he's quitting on himself.

Scott doesn't know how it feels to have everything on the line for him… no, that’s wrong. Scott does know what that feels like. If anyone knows how to deal with it, it is Scott. Because he's been through it. Scott more than anyone.

“I don't have anything else, Scott.” 

Which is true. He isn't good at anything that isn’t science, at anything that isn't biology. Everything else just pales in comparison to his skills in medicine. And it's thanks to the Dread Doctors. He’s good at it because he learned from them. Because he’s just a product of what they wanted to create. 

“I'm pretty sure that isn’t true, Theo. You don't give yourself enough credit when you should.” Scott answers but Theo isn't paying attention. He’s fixated on the scenery that lies in front of him. It's amazing. It's beautiful and just breathtaking.

“Wow.” He manages to breath out. He can hear Scott agree from beside him. They both stay there. Just admiring. Admiring the beauty that is mother nature. 

He can feel Scott looking at him. He can feel those beautiful brown eyes looking directly at him. He doesn't know why Scott is looking at him when he has this beautiful sunset in front of him, Scott might have some brain damage if he's not admiring it. But oh well, that's Scott for you. 

“Wanna sit down?” He hears Scott say. 

He forces himself to look away and when he does he's met with a smile so sincere that it makes him smile in return. Something that is rare with him.

“Yeah, sure.” They both sit down next to an oak tree. Both quiet, just admiring the view. Living in the moment and just being them. He can feel the breeze hit his face and, for the first time in a week, he actually feels like sleeping. 

“Why did you bring me here?” he asks without thinking. 

He blurted it out and he can tell that Scott doesn't enjoy it too much. He can see that he made Scott feel a bit… disappointed. 

“Don’t get me wrong! I love it! It's… beautiful here… but why bring me up here?” He tries to make up for it but he's pretty sure that he's screwed up now. 

“I come up here when I get stressed,” Scott says and Theo doesn't understand. What does that have to do with anything? Scott being stressed doesn't answer Theo's question. He looks at the alpha sitting beside him, eyebrow raised in a question.

Scott isn't looking at him, he's looking out into the forest. The sunset is making Scott's skin shine in beauty. And Theo can't help but smile at how beautiful he looks. At how lucky he is that Scott still lets him hang around him. 

“You were having a panic attack, Theo. And I thought that bringing you here would help you calm down.” Scott finishes and Theo can't help but grin like an idiot. 

Scott wanted to help him. Not throw him off a cliff. Not ditch him in the middle of nowhere. Scott saw him struggling and wanted to help. 

“You don't have to continue studying, Theo. As I said, you could always do something that you're good at.” Scott says, a warm smile on his lips. 

What he says is genuine but Theo can't do it. He’s not good with anything else. 

“As I've said, I'm not good at anything apart from science and medicine,” he says. “Plus, I'm two years shy of graduating. I can't quit now. ”

He can tell that Scott doesn't agree with him but it isn't a matter of agreeing or disagreeing. What Theo said is the truth. And Scott would have to deal with that. 

There's a long silence between them. Theo can feel himself drifting off to sleep. But he manages to catch Scott's next words.

“I'm pretty sure that there must be something that you could do. Something that you love doing. And if you don’t know what it is yet, then I'll help you find it.” He says, looking directly at him. 

Theo can barely keep up with Scott’s words but he can clearly hear what he says next. He would argue if he had an ounce of energy left in him. All he knows is that the words that Scott say make Theo want to punch him. Not because it's offensive or because it’s rude but because Scott shouldn't say it or even mean it.

“I just want you to be happy, Theo.” 

He chokes up at that. He doesn't know what to say or do. Even if he knew what to say, he wouldn't be able to say anything. 

He looks at the sunset in front of him, trying to ignore Scott's comment. He doesn't want to get into that. Not now. He looks at the sun and how it’s painting the sky a shade of purple that he wishes he could draw. 

“I wish I could paint this,” he mumbles to himself before he feels his head hit something soft. He finally managed to sleep after a long week of studying. 

He finally catches a very needed break.

____________________________________________________________

Scott barely manages to hear the words that make their way out of Theo, “I wish I could paint this.” just before Theo drops his head in his shoulder and falls asleep. 

He's left with a mixture of joy and confusion. For one, Theo finally falls asleep. It's not like he's been counting down the days since Theo last fell asleep, but he cares too much to not pay attention to that sort of change in him. 

But secondly, paint? What did he mean by that? 

He can remember Theo mentioning that he took an elective in arts. But that was at the start of college almost three years. Theo would have surely told him if he was good in it. Or if he kept doing it. 

Well, Theo has never opened up about anything really. The little emotions that Scott has managed to see where at the start of college. When him and Theo were close and would talk about everything but that was three years ago.

But still, Theo would have mentioned something like this to him, right? There must be a good explanation for this. Maybe Theo never thought it was worthwhile, or that he wasn't good enough of a painter. The excuse doesn't matter, Theo has learned to trust Scott these past few years to have told him something like this. Small or not, Theo would have told him.

Theo just probably means that he would like to doodle it or something. But it doesn't matter now, what matters is that Theo is asleep. Safe and sound, his head resting in his shoulders. And now Scott has to do everything he can to not wake him up while he takes him back to his studio. 

Lucky for him, Theo is a heavy sleeper. No matter how loud a sound is or how much you shake him, he won't wake up. So Scott takes advantage and slowly gets up, holding Theo's head with his left hand so that he doesn't fall to the ground. He hooks his right hand beneath Theo's knees and lets the other slowly makes it way behind Theo's shoulder. 

Once he's sure he's got a good grip on the chimera, he stands up, bringing the body close to his chest. For a moment he can feel Theo shift in his arms and he freezes. Theo snuggles himself closely to Scott's chest which makes him feel warm and loving towards the chimera. 

He takes a deep breath of Theo's scent and it makes him feel a thousand times better. He carries Theo bridal style down the hill they came up. A few minutes later and he's slowly reaching for his keys, trying his best not to drop the sleeping boy. He manages to get the keys without moving too much, he opens the passenger door and slowly places Theo in the seat. 

Watching Theo sleeping makes his heart skip a beat. Shit, he’s really gone on the chimera. He doesn't know how but he knows when. He knows the exact moment he looked at Theo and thought this is it, this is who I'm supposed to be with. He thinks back to that day while walking to his side of the car, sliding in and driving away from the hill.

He thinks back to when he realized that Theo wasn't the same person that came back to Beacon Hills. Back to when he realized that Theo had changed forever and that Scott would never want anyone else in the world. 

It was about a year and a half ago. Theo had just gotten a job in the Starbucks down the block. He wanted to go see if everything was okay with Theo but he didn't want to impose on his friends work. Plus, he couldn't just go there as a normal customer since he wasn't big on coffee unlike Theo, who loved the stuff. 

After a few minutes, he decided that he would walk into the shop and just stick to the corners and hope that Theo wouldn't see him. His plan worked… at first. He could see Theo perfectly from where he was. How clumsy he had been and how jittery he was. He messed up a few orders and was actually apologetic about it. 

It could have been him just trying to keep the job but something in Scott told him that Theo was… actually stressing out. Like he was having trouble with it. Having trouble with his job. Which was understandable, after all this was Theo's first job. He couldn't expect him to do magnificently on his first day. 

But, this was weird. Theo would usually excel in stuff. Or he would try his best at least. But today he seemed different. He seemed a bit… scared? No, that's not right. He couldn't really place it but the chimera seems distraught. Which was even more reason for Scott to stay away. He didn’t want Theo to think that he was just there to see if he was screwing up. 

Which wasn’t the reason at all. He just wanted to check up on him and make sure he was alright. That was all. He didn't expect Theo to be this messed up. 

It doesn't matter what his intentions were though. When he looked up he could see Theo walking up to him. For a second he expected the chimera to be mad, to yell at him to leave.

But it didn’t happen. Instead, he watched Theo stand in front of him, a smile stretched out over his face. Scott looked at him and could see the chimera was calmer than what he was before. 

Scott can't remember the exact details of the conversation. But he knows that he spent the entire day watching Theo do his job like a pro. He remembers how every few minutes Theo would look at him, smile, and go back to his work. He watched as he turned from a total mess to a capable worker. 

He knows that he made Theo's day back then. He made him calmer and more focused. He saw something in Theo, something that he didn't normally see. It was bright and warm and for some reason, and Theo was showing it because of him. He was the reason why in that day, Theo got to do a better job. 

He managed to help Theo that day, and it was because of his presence. Because he was there and Theo saw him and it made Theo's day a bit brighter. From that day forward he couldn’t help but always want the chimera to feel that way. Scott knew from that moment on that he would love Theo and no one else. Everyone else would just… feel wrong. 

Not only did he make Theo feel better, but Theo would also make him feel… brighter. Theo was the only one who had seen Scott want to give up. When he wanted nothing else to just quit. It rarely happened but when it did, Theo had been there. Theo had been the one to have helped him through those times.

Scott knew that he was his own anchor. And he knew that not one thing or person could change that. He just needed… someone to share that with, he needed… Theo. Even if he would never say it out loud. He could admit to himself. He needed Theo in his life. With Theo, not only did he feel safe but he felt… warmth. He felt like he belonged with Theo.

At first, he felt like exploding at having such a realization. But with time, he just gave in. And every moment that they would spend together would be amazing, it would be like something out of books and it didn't matter if Scott would take this secret to the grave but Scott wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

He wouldn't trade all those little moments that he had with Theo. Those many times that both of them would stay up late to talk about school work or just have conversations about anything and everything. Theo would talk about things that Scott would have never imagined the chimera to talk about. They were so close back then. They became like best friends, but so much more. 

And that's why when he saw Theo struggling. When he saw him start going into this little corner and seclude himself from everyone else. Secluding himself from Scott. It hurt, and Scott tried everything he could to help Theo out. He tried to make the chimera know that whatever happened, he would be there for him. 

It didn't work. Theo put up walls and walls. He talked less and less about what he felt and just more about general stuff. He tried to separate himself from everyone and at the end, only Scott was left. And Scott would never leave Theo, Scott knew that this was just a phase. That this would pass with time. 

But it didn't. Here he was, a year and a half later. Still trying to figure things out. 

Luckily, he got Theo to tell him what the problem was. Even if it took this long. That didn't matter, what matter is that now he can help him. Scott knows that Theo is good at something else, he just needs to push him towards that. 

He just needs to open Theo's eyes and if he does. Then he'll know that Theo will get better. He doesn't care that Theo hates medicine, he just wants him to be happy. And watching him sleep so soundly next to Scott made him feel all fuzzy inside. 

The full path ahead isn’t clear to him just yet, but Scott at least knows where to start. By getting the chimera a new major. Something that Theo would love to do. 

Now that may prove itself to be a difficult task, he knows a few things that Theo likes doing but that he loves? Nothing comes to mind, but Scott’s sure if he pays close enough attention, he’ll be able to find something.

He finally pulls up to the deteriorated building complex where Theo’s small studio is. He sighs while looking at the moldy state that it is in. He's tried to get the chimera to move in with him but he's failed miserably. Nothing that Scott says is a good enough point to get Theo to move in. He's given up on it for the time being, but he'll try once he gets the chimera in a comfortable headspace.

He turns off the car while taking a glance at the sleeping man next, to him, he looks peaceful he thinks. Scott can't help but smile while he gets out of the car, closing the door behind him and walking to the passenger side and slowly opening the door. He tries his best not to wake the chimera up. For a second he thinks he's failed when he sees the chimera shift but lucky for him, Theo doesn't wake up. 

He grabs him gently, holds him tight into his body. He’s carrying him in a bridal way… which makes his heart skip a beat. He ignores it and closes the car door and walks into the building when he opens the slightly broken door he has to take a step back. He can smell the decay in the walls and he just feels bad for Theo. 

He walks forward, trying to ignore the hard conditions that Theo is living in. He focuses on Theo and Theo alone. He focuses on his smell, on his heartbeat, and it just helps. Like always, it just helps him. Before he knows it, he’s shuffling with Theo's doorknob–which doesn’t have a key, just a very tricky way to open it–once he manages to open the door, he walks in immediately. 

Closing the door behind him he looks out into the small space in from of him. A broken couch and coffee table that Theo found in an alleyway. He considers settling Theo on the couch but he knows that Theo hasn't slept in a while and to put him in the couch would be kind of… mean, wouldn't it? After a few seconds of thinking it over, he decides that Theo needs a bed and not a half broken piece of furniture. 

As he stands in front of the broken door and it dawns on him that he's never been inside of Theo’s bedroom before. Theo always seems to be sitting on the couch when he gets here. Maybe Theo doesn't want him in there, he should really think about this. He's pretty sure that Theo wouldn't want him in there but still, he can't just leave him on the couch. 

He could take him to back to his apartment… but Theo would probably wake up from all the moving around. He'll just have to apologize to Theo for entering his room when the chimera wakes up.

He grabs the knob and takes a deep breath before opening the door. He smells something, something that he should have smelt before. He can smell charcoal and… paint? No, it couldn’t be. He would have smelled something like that before. Well, if he wasn't so focused on Theo that was. 

He opens the door and walks in. His heart stop and his breathing halts when he sees the room. This isn’t something he expected. His jaw drops when he turns around and sees the countless sketches that decorate the wall. They’re amazing. Breathtaking even. 

He began to feel like an intruder in an unwanted house–which wasn't an entire lie. He shouldn't be here, Theo wouldn't be too happy about it. Or him. 

But he couldn't help admiring the amazing art in front of him. He tries his best to put Theo in the mattress without actually waking him up. He looks at the sleeping man and smiles at him while taking the blanket on the side and wrapping Theo up. 

He wants to kiss the boy right then and there. But Scott knows it would be wrong. He sends the thought to the back of his mind and moves to leave. He already did what he came to do, he had to respect Theo’s privacy. He couldn't see more of the paintings that he had already seen. Or could he?

He’s already in the room. He had already seen a few of them, what's a couple more? He sighs, Theo will kill me he thinks while looking around the room. There are sketches in every corner of the room, some of the people and others of different places. He can't make out what they are but he knows that they mean something. 

He walks to the first one he sees. Immediately he can tell that it is supposed to be Liam. There's no name, body shape, or facial feature that tells him that it is his own beta but he knows. Scott can feel the different emotions pouring out of the painting: regret, hatred, rage, and kindness. He knows that it’s Liam. 

Like he knows that the sketch right next to him is Lydia. Just like the last one, there’s no name or features that might indicate that it’s his passive and smart friend Lydia. But he can see the curves of the pencil were deep, intense and just the right amount of smooth to capture the essence of what made Lydia, Lydia. 

He can almost hear her. He knows that's impossible but the way that Theo draws just captures you and transports you to the painting. Makes the seer and the painting be one. Something, that Scott hasn't ever felt with other paintings. He looks to the left and immediately sees something that catches his attention.

Placing the drawing of Lydia down, he takes a step forward and grabs the sketch that caught his attention. It's a bridge with dead trees surrounding it, and what only seems to be cold water running underneath it. 

He's seen this place only one time before. He can remember it not looking as dark and cold and horrible as it is depicted in the sketch. This is where it all started for Theo, this is where his life gave a turn to the worst. Scott can feel it, a chill running down his spine as if he was inside of the paper.

He shakes his head while he places it down and decides that that's enough. He looks around one last time and sees that almost all of the sketches are the same. Dark, cold and nightmare looking. He can't help but want to cry, because this may be the way Theo sees the world. How he perceives everything. 

He’s on his way out when a particular piece catches his attention. From what he can see there are dead trees and a little boy. He gets closer and realizes that between the trees, three masked figures seem to be reaching out to the boy. No, to Theo. There is no mistaking what this sketch is. Theo is running away, looking for something, looking for an escape, while the three masked men–the dread doctors–follow behind him. 

Scott feels tears running down his face. He wants to reach out and grab him. He wants to take that child away from those monsters. But he’s too late. The boy had already been caught. The boy was now a man and this was just a memory.

Scott was going to do something. Theo was hiding too much. Too many feelings. And it needed to end. 

He needed the chimera to feel better about himself. To open his eyes, so that he could see the good person that Scott saw every day. Scott was determined to help Theo realize that he already was a good person and he would start by changing how Theo saw the world. And he has the perfect way to do it.


End file.
